Considering how many times I have taken my driving test you'd be forgiven for thinking that I maybe like public transport. This however couldn't be further from the truth.
I hate that buses are NEVER on time and that bus drivers with very few exceptions seem to be the most grumpy demotivated people on earth. I hate that people behave in such an anti social way with eating, littering, swearing, putting their feet on the seats I sit on with my clean clothes and even sharing their flatulence.
In general I enjoy 'people watching' I could almost consider it a hobby I enjoy it so much but it is far more pleasant when done from the comfort of a cafe or on a bench in the street or shopping centre, the main advantage being fresh air if I'm honest.
Sometimes it is irritating to hear people discuss their weekend exploits loudly on their mobile as if it were 1970 and the line was bad but then the nosiness in me comes out and I listen intently with a little more than natural curiosity to their inner most thoughts and relish as hearing their Jeremy Kyle show type lives play out for all other travellers. I'm a smug married now with a very suburban life in a middle class area aka boring! I love to be reminded of my mis spent youth and also on occasions to feel slightly socially superior if I am truthful.
Maybe using public transport somehow boosts my social status ego? One wonders if and when I gain the freedom of a driving licence I will miss the people watching I so enjoy?
Oh and happy Halloween everyone.... (best not to even get me started on the hideous invasion from America on this country, I hate the commercialism!)
Monday, 31 October 2011
Sunday, 23 October 2011
Pre-Christmas clear out
I'm sat here wondering which is more stressful; planning the gifts and dinner etc OR convincing my soon to be five year old that to fit new toys in we have to give away some of her older toys she never plays with.
See that's the trouble, she never plays with these things until I suggest giving them away then she becomes almost obsessional about such items as a shape sorter intended for babies. "but what if you have another baby mammy?" I don't like to shatter her but there couldn't be an event further from my mind at the moment.
Usually my princess is such a kind, compassionate little girl, she hates seeing anyone upset and is first to offer cuddles. She understands that some children are less fortunate than her and would do almost anything to help. She would give her last sweetie away if she thought it would make someone happy. This compassion does not stretch however to parting with her beloved toys.
We have tried saying we will pass her old toys on to children who don't have any toys to no avail. It turns out the magic of santa Claus covers her on that one "don't be silly mammy as long as the children have been good Santa will bring them toys. And if they haven't been good it will teach them a lesson for next year"
What a wise head on young shoulders.
It still doesn't resolve my issue of how to make room for the cupboard full of toys Santa will deliver in a few weeks.
See that's the trouble, she never plays with these things until I suggest giving them away then she becomes almost obsessional about such items as a shape sorter intended for babies. "but what if you have another baby mammy?" I don't like to shatter her but there couldn't be an event further from my mind at the moment.
Usually my princess is such a kind, compassionate little girl, she hates seeing anyone upset and is first to offer cuddles. She understands that some children are less fortunate than her and would do almost anything to help. She would give her last sweetie away if she thought it would make someone happy. This compassion does not stretch however to parting with her beloved toys.
We have tried saying we will pass her old toys on to children who don't have any toys to no avail. It turns out the magic of santa Claus covers her on that one "don't be silly mammy as long as the children have been good Santa will bring them toys. And if they haven't been good it will teach them a lesson for next year"
What a wise head on young shoulders.
It still doesn't resolve my issue of how to make room for the cupboard full of toys Santa will deliver in a few weeks.
Saturday, 22 October 2011
Pro Mia?
Pro Mia is the term which was given to pro bulimia websites, Mia's sister websites being called pro Ana. I have begun to wonder if my thoughts this week make me 'pro mia'?
I had the second half of an assessment with a psychologist this week who thankfully agreed that psychology isn't for me right now. I really don't see the benefit from opening certain cans of worms that are for the most part dealt with, thank goodness she agreed. It seems that whilst I am mentally well I am quite a well balanced individual, it is only when I am unwell and my thoughts take over that I feel I can't be objective about life.
What this session with the psychologist did make me realise though is that although I have fought (I refuse to say suffered) depression since I was a pre-teen child it was always manageable until I worked so bloody hard to 'give up' my coping mechanisms.
Some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol or maybe sex, my addiction has always been food. Without belittling any of the addictions I have mentioned above and how difficult the battle must be to break free from the grasp of them, once free the addict is able to physically refrain from the drug for example whereas a food addict still has to face food and eating every single day to survive.
I hate being an emotional eater. My emotional hunger is like the wrinkled skin left over after dieting, it is the last bit left over after 'recovery' from bulimia. Maybe I miss bulimia, its like a friend who has moved away but I guess I could always pick up the 'phone.
I was left wondering this week if I might be able to keep my mood stable in the long term by deciding to resume my friendship (its a love/hate relationship) with bulimia. Maybe it is sheer coincidence that my episodes of depression have worsened since I gave up throwing up but I don't think so. I honestly believe it somehow kept me on an even keel. Is my little girl better off growing up with a mammy with an ongoing eating disorder or a mammy at risk of suicide every few years when depression hits like a shovel in the face?
I can not actually believe that after all the effort I put in to breaking free from bulimia I would seriously consider allowing myself to walk that path again. Didn't I say earlier in this blog post that I am a well balanced individual? Ho hum.... x
I had the second half of an assessment with a psychologist this week who thankfully agreed that psychology isn't for me right now. I really don't see the benefit from opening certain cans of worms that are for the most part dealt with, thank goodness she agreed. It seems that whilst I am mentally well I am quite a well balanced individual, it is only when I am unwell and my thoughts take over that I feel I can't be objective about life.
What this session with the psychologist did make me realise though is that although I have fought (I refuse to say suffered) depression since I was a pre-teen child it was always manageable until I worked so bloody hard to 'give up' my coping mechanisms.
Some people are addicted to drugs or alcohol or maybe sex, my addiction has always been food. Without belittling any of the addictions I have mentioned above and how difficult the battle must be to break free from the grasp of them, once free the addict is able to physically refrain from the drug for example whereas a food addict still has to face food and eating every single day to survive.
I hate being an emotional eater. My emotional hunger is like the wrinkled skin left over after dieting, it is the last bit left over after 'recovery' from bulimia. Maybe I miss bulimia, its like a friend who has moved away but I guess I could always pick up the 'phone.
I was left wondering this week if I might be able to keep my mood stable in the long term by deciding to resume my friendship (its a love/hate relationship) with bulimia. Maybe it is sheer coincidence that my episodes of depression have worsened since I gave up throwing up but I don't think so. I honestly believe it somehow kept me on an even keel. Is my little girl better off growing up with a mammy with an ongoing eating disorder or a mammy at risk of suicide every few years when depression hits like a shovel in the face?
I can not actually believe that after all the effort I put in to breaking free from bulimia I would seriously consider allowing myself to walk that path again. Didn't I say earlier in this blog post that I am a well balanced individual? Ho hum.... x
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