OMG what on earth have I done? I have agreed as I am so emotionally stunted to let my primary nurse read my notes on how I feel. I am 50/50 part of me thinks she will gain a better understanding of me and part of me is terrified of any consequences.
I have learned (the hard way) that being honest has consequences, which is partly why I keep most of my thoughts to myself. Well its done now so nothing I can do about it and given that I appear to be as open as a guest on the Jeremy Kyle show when I am coming around from anaesthesia after ECT so it is all probably nothing they don't already know.
My four year old daughter has just been in with my two sisters-in-law, lovely to see them all but heartbreaking to watch their backs as they leave. Bittersweet irony that last time I was a patient at this hospital with postnatal depression after the birth of my daughter I was convinced that we should get her adopted and yet now my heart aches with love for her.
Maybe she would still be better off without me? My husband and my daughter seem to be coping without me. They both deserve so much more. I MUST die.
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