Dear God
Why do you mock me so? Why do you insist I wake each morning? I put off getting dressed each morning, partly as the energy consumption for this task is too great and partly as I live in hope that I haven't really woken; that I have passed over in the night.
Just spoken to hubby who is on his way so I guess I need to dress; I must be alive. Why God? Why?
Take me. Let some poorly child who is desperate to live remain in my place. I can not carry on like this I need to end my torment. For what reason do you make me suffer? Am I that evil?
I thought hubby and daughter would fall apart without me but they seem to be coping well. I am surplus.
On a positive note I must seem ok as I don't think my observations are 15 mins any more - If only I had the energy and motivation to use that time constructively.
Maybe better to hold on anyway, I couldn't expect any pall bearers to carry me this heavy. I was reminded yesterday why I always shower rather than bathe. 'Have a bath, it'll be relaxing' I lay there looking down at the repulsive monstrosity that is my body. It was not relaxing.
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